Taking the good with the bad.

Been a rough couple days here. My cousins Son who is 20 passed away.(I won’t go in to how at this point)  I will just say this was really hard. He died on the same day as my Brother did . So it was not a good day..
However one one blessing of the day was we are have a GRanddaughter!! So finally a wonderful thing to remember on that day! I am so thankful for that.
So my time is limited this week to post. Tomorrow I see the orthopedist for my arm there is a issue with the elbow joint, the neuropathy and now tennis elbow. or something.. So enough of my primary and his baloney. I want to find out what I m dealing with.
Husband has his second opinion in the morning ..with the orthopedic surgeon as well so we will go to his then race across town for mine later in the afternoon.
Hopefully in between all of this I will fine a pumpkin and candy for the little ones for halloween. I am going as my self that should be enough to freak others out lol
Anyway I am post the photo of the day as well. You know when I take pictures I am looking to see whats going on around me. Today we took a break and stopped at the nature center near by. The small animals were out cause it was a beautiful indian summer day here in the high 60’s.
So I was looking up in the trees and low and behold I saw three of these little guys running around. One spotted looked at me as to say …What the heck are you doing here? I took one shot and then 4 others. I this is my favorite one. Enjoy.
To those of you who voiced your opinion about me staying and leaving Thanks…. I have decided to stay…However I have been a bit down lately and my minds not on posting much. Hopefully this will change soon and I will get back up to snuff and in a writing mood.

Make a great evening …always Hope

Hugs and Prayers

Okay I did a post and then went and deleted it.
I decided instead of that post, to change it.
I am in a writers slum or something. Maybe its all the stuff going on around here. Got me a bit down. Ugh.
But in about in about seven hours I will find out what my first Grandchild is a boy or a girl.
Frankly who knew I would see it so how sweet it to get to this point.
All spring and summer we talked about the wedding so now its about the journey to being a Grand Parent.
Right now we are all referring to this new little person as the *Lil Pea*
That started when we first found out. Since our daughter is the Princess of the family…So it became the PRincess and the Pea.
I am so excited I can’t hardly type this….and I am sure its late and I problay won’t much.
You see things are so much sweeter when you don’t think you will ever see it happen.
So I am going watch every move and every smile in a few hours.
Soak it up and enjoy it all. Every bit of it.

Recently my friend Julieann talked about red red red…meaning how hard life is at times..losses and struggles.. It makes it really really hard to reach deep and pull our selfs up. Some how one little thing one little speck of white, maybe the size of a grain of sand..becomes what we need. White white white ..Hope is clean and clear
As an artist white is the one color that reflects light of all the visual spectrum equally.
Red Red Red…and so many things that color represents.
But white to mean brings us to a the meaning of truce. Like fighting through to the other side realizing we can’t win..Like soilders at war…However a surrender means peace. Living with what ever it is they have to deal with …with that small speck of hope…Those around them help them gather up strength from the darkness engulfs them no longer….and the white hope grows brighter one hand grabbing each others little by little and we hold on together.

Lately I have been contemplating closing my space. I just am not sure where it goes from here. But then thats life..Maybe I to am looking for closure or peace. But then I think thats life always adjusting to so much and some is just Red…and doesn;t leave us. Its more Like Crimson.
Then something like thinking of this new Grandbaby…sends me
something so big so wonderful that the specks turns into a whole beach of white sand.
glistening in bright sunlite.
White.
Hope
Share with me our hope for the future..
Be Strong by Delta Goodrem
Someone sent this to me in a email its under The Survior Movie. upper right under guestbook.
Hope it inspires those struggling some.
Hugs and Prayers for the Spacers in Need

Always…Hope

Help

IF anyone knows the correct way to download windows media player could you please let me know ..Thanks…Hope

Just how I feel.

Once you enter the into what some refer to as Cancerland
Its a emotional and physical rollercoaster.
Once your life is touched by it we are never the same again.
Life becomes more in intense , there is not longer time to slowly develop friendships or relationships.  The time is right now here today.
I have met some incrediabily awesome people sharing this journey of self discovery.
I am in awe of what I have learned and taken from each.
When I woke up this morning I was lucky I had a new day…and my head swirls with all I want to do. More importantly who I need to spend this day with and what I am greatful for.
Sure I worry about whats for breakfest, what to wear and the weather.
But more importantly if those I love are cared for and happy.
If I know that then life is complete.
Cancer has a wierd way of putting things in to perspective.
Its a huge equalizer…on whats important and not sweating the small things in life.
Those small things will be there tomorrow…So treasure those people you love now today.

Always…Hope

Don’t Have A CLue

Okay I did take the break cause I needed to get away and ponder some things.
But that is life I guess an succession of regrouping.
A while back I mentioned my sister had cancer. I still have no info to give and we are at a stailmate..She isn’t taking my calls or returning emails either so that is a hard deal for me.
However denial is common for some. However with her she has no family resposniblity as she gave that up when she became a nun in a cloistered order 30 years ago.
Do I think she is trying to protect me? Someone asked that. No I don’t think so.
The less she can talk about it the better off it makes her..she is denial about many things cancer just adding one thing to the list.   I don’t mean
 to sound mean or cranky its just a fact with her.
Then how does this her having cancer affect me. I does in many ways. But the largest is this.
I need to know whats happening she is my donor if I need a bone marrow transplant.
If its skin cancer some of those apply but some nix being a donor. So whatever happens here.
I do need to know whats happening and soon.
Frankly if she can’t talk about this how in the world is she going to do a transplant and deal with all of that. So her keeping her life silent. hurts.
She has a family who cares about her and she is isolating herself to the point where it upsets me and my family.
So I don’t understand this at at all ..I understand all we go through with cancer hearing it having it and all of it. So to be ignored…hurts..However this the person who never called me after I told her never sent a note a card nothing. I forgave her..for it all.
So here I extend a hand in compassion to help her and its automatically slapped away.
I don’t want to misinterpret or second guess anything is why I called her directily.
But silence…and alienating ones self makes this worse.
Sighs I just do not know.
always Hope

just a note

Taking a break for a few days.
Things are okay
Just need some me time.
always Hope

just a quote

Skinny Myspace Layouts

Just a look at my life

There are so many wait and see postures of cancer.
I decide today is a day I just have to write about it.
Lately I keep looking at things, and keep pumping myself up.
Saying your okay..Then it hits me at night the darned what ifs. I hate them.
I have a really big problem  on this wit and see deal.
Or maybe what might happen tomorrow.
Today I am doing a positive switch over for my own good.
Wait and Live!!
I can sit there , wallow in those darned what ifs..And they might never ever happen.
One thing I have learned is life is a bunch of what ifs.
Day to Day regaurdless its like that reguardless of cancer and just dealing with life daily.
May thats why cancer in a way is the frosting on the cake..Think about it
We all can get it…no one is excempt from it. But if you’ve had it  and you walk away all the doctors saying you stable…your darn lucky to be on the other side.
Then you can look back with a new lease on life. Sure it can get me one day,,,but who knows.
So we are stuck in a catch 22 and reality’s bite situation.
Maybe just maybe, some in my situation have a reduced expection due to cancer.
I don’t  know maybe its when you get to the peak then, only then you understand and win.!!

I don’t know I have lots swirling around in my head, today about it.
I keep thinking one day I will get past it to a new plateau. Or maybe I am there and don’t know it. Its hard to say but much perspective comes with it.
Been a caregiver to those with it…and had it myself so I don’t know..
I am sitting in a place..that clearing now says.
Wait and Live.
That’s my food for thought today.
Always Hope

Cardiac Cats Rule American League

This is awesome the word for today is
"Believe!’
Detroit Tigers.
Rule the American League.
To all the ney sayers and those who never thought as a team they could not get it done.

Now I have to say this so we didn’t get Divisional. Know what it just doesn’t matter now.
Sitting on the edge of our seats is the only way to watch baseball.
We are off to the World Series!!!
Whoo Hoo!!
As we say in Detroit:
*BLESS YOU BOYS!*

I am off to celebrate it doesn’t get any better then this.
Got all my Tigers Gear and I am so ready for ..
A Detroit Party!!!

Go out and Make it a great night everyone..
always, Hope

This is Tiger Country

This amazing around here. Who in the world would of thought we would be one game away from possibly making it to the World Series. This is phenominal.

I sat through the KC.. series I was there for one of the games. But I gotta tell ya if any team is going to fight for it, its this Team.

I have seen them play win or loss..They are a team no *I’s in.

No matter what happens today I am sure they are going to give it their all. And fight to bring to us the Fans.

I have heard the saying * Who’s Your Tiger?* I frankly can’t say…I just say * They are all my Tiger and leave it at that. Meaning the whole team steps up to the plate and plays with all HEART and PRIDE. That is what makes Detroit so special. They are a Cinderella Team that has brought pride back to our City and State.

There is something about all of this that is just awesome. If they win tonight…This city is going to go nuts..Cause there is a saying …THERES IS NO PARTY LIKE A DETROIT PARTY.