Things Are Fine Here

Just posting a fast note…I have not been able to blog…I have been here and tried. I post and it does not post.  Or I can only read.
I see there are changes so guess I will have come back and check it out .
Life is very busy here …Lots to say. But thinking I have out grown Club Sammich Cafe©. Not in a bad way but a good way.  So
more to come…when I am able to sit and reflect on what I may do.  So many changes for the better lately.
More soon.

Hugs and Prayers, Hope

Still Here.

Its been really busy here. My days are consumed by watching our grand daughter. Its hectic but so sweet at the same time.

I did end up at U of D Dental School.Learning that through my consult I would be sent to a faculty dentist in Restorative Dentistry. I see him on May 14th. Its been hard to digest but moving forward. I need to do so to deal with it.  So we will see I guess. I hate things up in the air like this its stressful.

Yesterday we had a odd day to. I have had this allergy thing going on with the trees all in full blood. I also had a cold and cough. I can deal with the cold part. But this cough. I pulled a muscle in the chest wall from coughing.  AT least that is what we all think. My chest hurt so bad and I was feeling like told crap yesterday when I woke up. We called my doctor who said come in at 1 pm. I looked at my husband and he looked at me. I said not waiting. So we went to the Er. I was not risking this chest pain being heart related. They did all the blood work for to rule out cardiac issues and checking my counts for the lymphoma.Thank goodness those all checked out fine and nothing red flagged cardiac or lymphoma issues.

They even took enough blood for cultures cause so much crap is going around..making people very ill.

The did a xray to check my port to make sure that was okay.Then they made sure because of the port no clots. Following up the xray with a cat scan of the chest lungs and heart.

Biggest hurdle of the day the Cat Scan. Randy , I have met in ER before took me down there and it was busy so I had to sit face to face with the Cat Scan Machine. I have done this many times. But I hate it and the less time spent in that room alone with out a tech the better. John the Cat Scan Tech. Came in I have met him to and we had a bit of a talk…asking about families and things to calm things down some. I hate it though.

So thankful that all checked out okay as well. God is good.

Hopefully what I am feeling will go away fast. I’m just really thankful nothing more then what it is!!

I am off to rest so more.  Hugs and Prayers Hope.

PS Thankful for the ER doc that put me at ease on things. Thanks Dr Bills aka Doctor and Cancer Patient. YOU ROCK. I left the ER being totally touched, by your compassion, kindness and knowledge.  But more so totally touched by your story and how it impacts you as a doctor when you talk to patients. Wow, that is all I can say. You rock.

Changes

This a post I have been not wanting to write. Recently I have been getting a in flex of spam in my comments.Anyone Else??? Some ok and others offensive.

I have been deleting them daily.  In the last two days I have received several really rouchy emails pertaining to this Space.

Just because I have been in the Spaces for a very long time and have made friends here. I enjoy this community and the support given here. Or I might have left a long time ago.

Long time  ago, I decided to keep this  Space open to Everyone and Public. Simply in hopes of helping others with cancer. But as of today..my thoughts are simply Friends only with an Extended Network. If that doesn’t work Friends only.  It boggles the mind that people have the nerve to judge the person writing as well as their situation,.for whatever reason they have. Not personally getting to really get to know that person who is writing.

I am also kept all the info to report as abuse. I am just tired of some of this and hope people realize that there are real people who do write in the Spaces.

More later…But in the next few days. I will be making some changes here.

Hugs and Prayers Hope.

love this

"listen to your life. see if for the fathomless mystery that it is.
touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it because
in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is
grace." buechner

Life happens no matter what.

I haven’t had the time or energy to update. Everyone here has not been feeling well…Well I have but I think the rest have what I had..Oh Joy.
My Aunt passed away yesterday of all things this flu bug and dehydration due to it. So I will be going to visitation tonight but not attending the Mass in the morning. Its way to much and set for early in the morning..Its a long drive and I am not able to do both.
So its been crazy here and this was such a shock to our whole family. As she had always been in very good health.
I am off need to get Little One something to eat.

Will write more when things settle some.

Hugs and Prayers,
Hope

Weekend…Much to quiet!

Yesterday I had a wonderful lunch out with friends from high school.  We are trying to make it a monthly thing. Which is turning out to be so much fun and a real blessing to those of us taking the time and making an effort.
Today I got up with a nasty headache. I took something for it and bascically slept the day away. Whatever is going around is nasty. Hoping this isn’t something new at this point to deal with. So we will see I guess what tomorrow brings.
Good Night Everyone. Hugs and prayers Hope

Just thinking…:)

*The best reward is not a medal, but a life well lived*
Wendy Harpham

I love this quote. More so I love Wendy’s blog. Because as a long time survivor. She reminds me that so often we do not say much about things as patients. We just go on and do what a needs doing. We just move forward not saying much. For me I use to complain in private. My husband knows it all. Even so..I saying something is healing at times and you just move forward.
I think the hard part is you hear people talking about trival things. Example…Oh I feel like crap I have this horrible cold. I always wanted to say…Oh I feel like hell this horrible cancer. I’m just saying. 🙂 But you don’t dare.
Why do I bring this up??
For the past month I have been battling a darn sinus infection and ear thing.  Its so annoying to say the least. The ear part got better but the congestion in my head is just still there . Which made my ears and the mastoid area hurt like hell..and made me really cranky! Never had a ear problem till after radiation. Its so annoying..Mind you I was fine till yesterday and lost it. With one day left of antibiotics left to go.The area where I had my first surgery to the face, just plain hurt. So I got up made another appointment…to make sure another round of antibiotics were not needed. UGH…Of course I was in a mood so was hubby. I hate it. I hate how I feel at times and saying I am not up to par after doing the medications. I hate like hell to say we need to go back again.
The we get there get done and get my scripts and the cost…all high tier copays. I was like what the heck. So back up to see what we can do to change that…UGH
We soldier on because thats what we do. We don’t waste time complaining or in pity parties. No one wants to hear it and even so if they did it worries them if we do. So we move on in hopes of handling the day. One day at time. Together.
When I really think about it Wendy is right. Its not about the accolades we recieve.Its about making the best out of a life well lived.
Today is a much better day. We both got some much needed rest. Lots of sunshine and waiting for our granddaughter to wake up from her nap .I look at her and this what life is about and shared blessings.

Hugs and prayers Hope.

This needs to be said. Then I am moving forward.

*Cancer may leave your body but it does not leave your life*
Lance Armstrong.
He is so right. Its something we deal with daily and depends on what issues arise that need our attention.
I have always said that having support of others who are dealing with the same issues. Is really one thing that helps and heals us.
However that depends on the Support situation. If the people really want to deal with cancer or if its a meeting place to talk about things and excludes the cancer patient. When that happens then its not working any more. Most cancer patients will not waste there time if a support forum isn’t working.  They will all move on.
There is a big need out there to support those starting in the journey. As well as talking to survivors that need a lift on a daily basis.
IT really gets to me when your comfortable in a place , have been there helping and enjoy the people. Then a few coming and mess it up for those in need. I feel like for about a month. I lost my total focus.
Then something happened. I returned back to some old forums. Several just chatting places and welcomed back with open arms.
Which is nice and if someone is not there for the proper reason…That’s it they are out. The way it should be.
Over the years several of these places I have met some awesome people and made some good friends locally. As well as through out this country. Its been empowering to say the least. That is what support is about. I also feel that the written word far out lasts a chat session with people. As does a phone call and emails and just general info about life shared.
Whats happened to me to is. I have realized I am different in that I do not bs people around about in my life. I am know as a straight shooter who pulls no punches. It annoys me when people bs , to meet personal needs. A cancer chat is not a place to do so. Or that its a pick up joint to prey on innocent hurting people. It needs to stop.  People who are sick or walking through cancer as a patient need compassion and empathy of others. Not bs as some dish out.
Since October many things have gone on in my life. Many. But I have not been posting here because I was very uncomfortable to do so. Then I realized if anything by the amount of emails I get from those with cancer. That I support daily . Cards notes and phone calls. I will always feel good about what I have done and continue to, within the cancer community. I also know better then some people that no matter what happens in life, we should not cut out friends as some do. Life is to short and lots lost when we do so. To a few who may read this and be upset with that comment. I won’t pull punches. Whats right is right . That was horribly wrong.  If your not a patient..there is no way in heck a person really knows what its like to loose the support that brings you back to the land of the living. No way any one can.
Today I received letter in snail mail. From a man I meet from New York 12 yrs ago. We met through a data base with the Lymphoma Research Foundation. Which matches patients to patients with similar situation. John and I both realize that support through our cancer experience was very empowering . Long term survivors need it as well as newbies starting out. Just on a different level. In talking to him and several other friends who are patients as well. If your in it for other things your in it for the wrong reasons. You either support or you do not belong. You give support when your in need its returned. Simple concept.
Cancer is a funny thing…there are two sides and both are very different.  I have decided I am better off talking to those with cancer. Simply because I can’t handle people who are spouting off about trival bs that doesn’t mean much in the whole scheme of things. As well as people complaining about bad home situations…Get off the computer , work on yourself and your situation. It will not change less you do something about it! You..no one else.
So all that said. Thanks to my great supporters. Those who when I disappeared in several forums came here and left messages. Sent snail mail and emails. I am so grateful for you all. For two of you who called me on the phone. You rock!! You know who you are.:)
To one friend who refers to me as one of the *real * people. Thanks!! I hope I always stand by others who are the same. 🙂

Lance Armstrong is so very right. I am living my life right now, not sitting around waiting for cancer to come back . I am living large and strong.

More to come later on. I have a lot to talk about now .:)

Hugs and Prayers , always Hope

Snow!!

Amazing to me that the kids have a snow day today! At least here anyways!! We have about six inches of snow if that. The roads are typical for the month
of February with snow. Just my take..
Not much going on this way…Waiting for Half Pint to wake up this morning. Just enjoying the peace , quiet and a cup of tea before she does!
Have a great day everyone.
Hugs and Prayers,
Hope

Balance

Balance:a state of equlibrium,equal distribution by weights and amounts.
Balance. I think that is my word of the Month.
I am teetering. So much happening in life and there is no way I can physically handle it all.
The other thing is I am thinking about, is how much responsibility that is mine and what
isn’t taken on by other family members and why. I turns out then I get annoyed.
I am guessing this will be a vent …so if you don’t care to follow I understand totally.
Over the last month and half..Somewhere in there I slipped a disk in the lumbar spine L5. Not a good thing on top pf degenrative (sp)arthritis in the lumbar spine as well. Anyways I have been hibernating and working on getting myself to a better place.
Medications have helped to bring the inflammation down and a pain patch to settle the nerve pain has helped.
One thing that hasn’t helped is the stress that some of my extended families seem to bring on with the self centered attitudes.
No matter what transpires in my life its thrown under a microscope by some in my family.
Yesterday became the pivitol point.
The arthritis issue is a thirty yr old issue not new. The disk issue is and is being treated as such. But for now I am limited on things.
It means taken care of me. Which I am doing.
Yesterday I reached my limit with my parents and a few sisters.
Who seem to think no matter what happens. Isn’t true or deserves judgement.
I have to hear about the issues they have . When talk about several things of my own….it always reverts back to their troubles.
I wish I wish I did not have cancer…I wish to that the issues I have to deal with on a day to day basis did not have to do with that.
I wish to that I did not have to deal with all the other things I have to deal with . I don’t gripe or complain. In fact I am always helping everyone else and no thanks given …JUST expected. Its so annoying.
You know there are times and this one of them where . Your damned if you do , your damned if you don’t.
Today I am getting my balance back and taking care of me is what I am doing and the things under my roof.
My boot is firmly planted on level ground that if I do not take care of me I can’t take care of anyone else.
People will just have to live with it at this point.
I need my Balance!

More when I can..
Hugs and Prayers
Hope